I rarely thought of that night in the gatehouse that overlooked the Sound, salt air moist on lips, and wine.
You wore a white sweater, the kind mariners wear while they tear hooks from small fish and throw them overboard.
There was a fire in the fireplace, and you sat on the floor next to me with your arm around my shoulders, laughing.
I can still see your face, that smirk of a smile that made my heart swim; feel the spot in my chest where love and anxiety mixed often with you.
There was a white robe in your bathroom, a second toothbrush in a cup — the things a woman leaves behind when she is certain she will not be discarded.
They were not mine.
My things were in a pile on the floor next to your bed where you left me in the dark, gutted and alone — the sound of a door somewhere shutting.
IT BEARS REPEATING
The upcoming series of blog posts is in honor of ALL the women who can, who do, and who keep on doing – who persist – no matter what. They are part of “You Mean A Woman Can Open It,” MANIFEST (zine) #14.
All text and poems ©2026, Jen Payne
Bear artwork by Sohni Ali, website
IMAGE and TEXT CREDITS FOR THE SERIES:
- You Mean A Woman Can Open It? 1953 Alcoa Aluminum advertisement.
- Well, my boy, let’s get started, from “For me, the perfect hostess is the lady with the whip,” German Artist’s Book, 1960s.
- Best Loved Nursery Rhymes Picture Book, circa 1950s.
- Photos of Ryan Zinke from “Interior Secretary Orders Protester To ‘Be Nice’ During Visit To Bears Ears,” Huffington Post, May 2017.
- Family group on a grave marker from Athens, National Archaeological Museum, Athens
- “An American Girl in Italy,” (Ninalee Craig) by Ruth Orkin, 1951.
- Mess of Fish, Paul Klee
- The coat-stand (Porte manteau), by Man Ray, 1920.
- Calliope, Augustin Pajou, 1763.
- Vogue sewing pattern, 1980s.
- “The history of the pussy bow blouse,” Bethany Armitage, CraftWorld, March 2019.
- Atlas Was a Woman, by Céline (Melle-T), Deviant Art, 2007.
- From the collection of Richard Freiherr von Krafft-Ebing (1840-1902) a German-Austrian psychiatrist + early sexologist, 1886.
- “Nevertheless, she persisted” – an expression adopted by feminists, especially in the U.S. after the Senate voted to require Senator Elizabeth Warren to stop speaking during the confirmation of Jeff Sessions as U.S. Attorney General.
