Categories
Creativity Poetry

Imposter Syndrome Soliloquy

The review says my poems are accessible
and I know that is a gold star
on something so easily otherwise considered
not something one reads on the fly

though quite the contrary, one does or one can
I do anyhow
keep a dog-eared volume
within easy reach for a metered pause
now and then and again

The volumes change-out of course
famous old school to popular lowercase
he said, she said, now more they saids,
collections and anthologies and
the short-but-sweet chaps

Which is not to say they all get gold stars
some enhance my furrowed brow,
deepen the lines that live there,
make me close-up a book with a clap
some even, I confess, make me feel small
stupid, insipid, imposter

Like the time that Rogue Poet
infiltrated my writing group
and made us all feel somehow lacking
somehow not good enough
somehow not even poets

Like the time the Queen Bee
sat in the front row and watched
the little drone vibrate so much the mic shook
and the poems fell sharp and hard to the ground
and her look — just her look — said
you are not something one reads at all
ever, not even on the fly

I wonder sometimes if they were real,
the Rogue and the Queen Bee,
and not some amalgamation of my self
and all of her inner critics —
you are a fabrication, imitator, mutt
with no pedigree for poetry
stop now please

But someone — or someones —
think I am deserving of a gold star
5 stars sometimes too
with accolades and atta girls
and just enough kindness to make me feel
momentarily monumentally poetic.


Photo by ArtHouse.

If you like this poem, you’ll love the poems in my new book

Categories
Creativity

Oh Yeah!

It’s OK that you drank the Kool-Aid, love.

You needed something
to get you through these last long years,
and the booze just wasn’t cutting it,
we both knew that.

So god it is…

I just wish it was a gentler god,
not an angry one, or judgmental,
not one locked in a house built on dogma
reeking of sins and incense.

I don’t know…if it was me,
I’d want to get to know the god who made the woods
and all its weird and wild creatures,

the one who filled up the ocean and dropped in
whales and welks and narwals,

the one who paints rainbows across the sky
and doesn’t care who takes offense.

I’d want to find a god to suture old wounds
and tug at the threads of trauma
that keep some of us from a fully woven life…

Kool-Aid comes in all flavors, darling
but I prefer mine good and sweet, oh yeah!



Photo & poem ©2024 Jen Payne. If you like this poem, you can read similar in my books and zines, available from Three Chairs Publishing on my ETSY SHOP. They come autographed, with gratitude and a small gift.

Categories
Creativity

Sunday’s Inspiration

Photos ©2023, Jen Payne

Categories
Nature Photography

Friday Photo 03.03.23

Do we ever stop to think how much time a nest takes?, North Guilford, CT by Jen Payne
Categories
Photography

Friday Photo 02.24.23

Jupiter and Venus, February 18, Guilford, CT by Jen Payne
Categories
Photography

Friday Photo 02.17.23

Are those crop circles at the CVS?, Branford, CT by Jen Payne
Categories
Nature Photography

Friday Photo 02.10.23

Do trees exchange Valentines?, Branford, CT by Jen Payne
Categories
Nature Photography

Friday Photo 02.03.23

I hear they call him George, Guilford, CT by Jen Payne
Categories
Nature Photography

Friday Photo 01.27.23

Sometimes it’s what you don’t see…, Branford, CT by Jen Payne
Categories
Nature Photography

Friday Photo 01.13.23

When the flossers awake from hibernation too soon: a cautionary tale from our consumer society, Branford, CT by Jen Payne
Categories
Nature Photography

Friday Photo 01.06.23

Bryophyte in the Driveway, Branford, CT by Jen Payne
Categories
Nature Photography

Friday Photo 12.16.22

What Small World Here, Branford, CT by Jen Payne
Categories
Nature Photography

Friday Photo 12.09.22

Late Winter Walk, Branford, CT by Jen Payne
Categories
Nature Photography

Friday Photo 11.11.22

Contrails and Train Rails, Old Saybrook, CT by Jen Payne
Categories
Nature Photography

Friday Photo 11.04.22

Is this a missed opportunity?, RWA Recreational Space,
New Haven, CT by Jen Payne
Categories
Nature Photography

Friday Photo 10.28.22

Relatively Linear, RWA Recreational Space,
New Haven, CT by Jen Payne
Categories
Nature Photography

Friday Photo 10.21.22

Brilliant Fall, RWA Recreational Space,
New Haven, CT by Jen Payne
Categories
Photography

Friday Photo 10.07.22

Window/Gallery 7, Eli Center for Contemporary Art,
New Haven, CT by Jen Payne
Categories
Creativity

Patience

There is a time to act, and a time to wait, to listen, to observe. Then understanding and clarity can grow. From understanding, action arises that is purposeful, firm, and powerful. — Charles Eisenstein

Photo ©2021, Jen Payne

Categories
Creativity Photography

Waiting

We are all waiting.

©2020, Jen Payne
Categories
Creativity Nature Photography

Spring Comes No Matter

Photography ©2020, Jen Payne