8-April 6, 2025

This morning
I stayed in bed
squeezed my eyes shut
and begged for more
more sleep
more dreams
more anything than what waits:
that 21st century
disappointment
and the cold blank stare
of what comes next

It was already hard enough
to live with the
stark comparison of
hopes and dreams
versus real world,
the daily effort of
just keep swimming
just keep swimming

Now there is just this
THIS
every day
THIS
good lord
THIS

Once, I told a therapist
that I was considering a
long slow drift
in ice floe silence,
and she sat aghast
asked if she should be concerned
so I dialed it back
and laughed
like I was joking

Concerned is
such a funny word —
To Whom It May Concern
we have concerns
but
it is of little concern

Yesterday, at a protest,
I danced with strangers
and felt free in a way
I haven’t since my best friend died
seven years ago
and I thought:
she is better for it
dead before THIS
all of this
with no concerns
no need for persistence
or resistance
or a clever exit strategy
disguised in a poem.

---

Poem & Photo ©2025, Jen Payne. NaPoWriMo, National Poetry Writing Month. If you like this poem, you can read similar in my books and zines, available from Three Chairs Publishing on my ETSY SHOP. They come autographed, with gratitude and a small gift.